advice-life

if you have children, hug them sometimes.

The problems we have with others are usually more about us. (thanks to http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/01/10/10-simple-truths-smart-people-forget/)

All people possess dimensions of success and dimensions of failure. (thanks to http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/01/10/10-simple-truths-smart-people-forget/)

Hard work (and taking initiative) is more important than talent (thanks to http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/01/10/10-simple-truths-smart-people-forget/)

http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/dweck

Individual choices lead to habits -- to change a habit or form a new one, just start making the choices that that habit would cause you to make. And, on the other hand, be wary of making choices that go with bad habits even a few times.

Appreciate little things. This can be practiced/learned.

Don't feel entitled to be aggravated by little things. This could become a habit.

Help others

A change feedback loop

Internal locus of metacontrol

Focus on problems you can change And focus on the future, not on blame If you are very judgemental, hard to love oneself Take responsibility rather than being bitter

Believe in yourself

Be optimistic

It's good to be happy if you fail, but try to be successful

Use prudence

Meditate (i haven't tried it yet but the advice to do so seems almost universal)

When you screw up, keep on trying. Be embarrassed but not too embarrassed

Don't base too much self worth on other people evaluation of you (but it's okay to base some)

Place self-worth on things you can control, not external factors. You can control what you choose and what you attempt but not what results. A person who makes perfect choices can still fail if the external obstacles are too great. Would you be happy with yourself if you were a failure?

Ethics is something under your control.

Love

enjoy nature every once in awhile. for some people, this means going to parks. one thing that i like to do is to read, study, or work outside whenever possible (maybe an average of once a week), even in a courtyard. i particularly like the sky. i can deal with even being a courtyard (although an actual park, surrounded by stuff, is much better) because i like to look at the small details of things. there are still a few birds around, and ants and other tiny critters, and of course grass and bushes and some kinds of flowers.

there certainly is something different between reading about things and doing it yourself

i love the sky and sunsets and wind

useful habits to instill in yourself:

"Mean people suck," "Be brave," "Be steadfast to your friends," "Try to stay calm," and "Keep on trying." -- http://www.davidbrin.com/starwarsarticle1.html

if you're going to get in bed just to rest for a minute, and you're not sleepy and aren't going to fall asleep, then set the alarm for 20 minutes just in case, no matter what.

if you meet with someone and decide something that is important to them or to you, then send them an email afterwards restating the decision, even if you are sure both of you understood, because sometimes you didn't.

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You can be raised with unhealthy habits. It's easy to look at your friends and see some habits they have that you think are destructive but that they think are fine, because you had the good fortune to be raised in a family that avoided those things. Similarly, as you get older, you will probably realize that some habits that your family had and passed on to you are actually unhealthy. This is difficult because they probably do have some positive aspects, and they seem normal to you, and they are probably tied in to other family habits that are by themselves innocuous.

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